Here is the text for my autobiography. It is 398 words. =)
Globetrotter
Long ago I flew with my family to Fuerteventura, where I turned two. For my birthday, I got a pack of Smarties and I became obsessed with it that day. Therefore I carried it with me all the time. Suddenly the box – made of paper - broke and all the Smarties were on the dirty, sandy earth. Crying I began to eat the candy from the ground until my parents stopped me.
One year later we were at a farm in England. They had donkeys. Every time they screamed my sister ran away. I stayed.
At five I was in America. My family and I travelled through the National Parks around Utah. On day on a campsite I got angry at my sister, don´t ask me why. Without my parents knowing I just left and went alone through a huge field of crops. After a while, I came back.
Four years later we were in Italy with friends of ours, who have two boys. Our isolated holiday home was located on a mountain in the woods. All the parents were inside while we were playing Badminton in the backyard. Suddenly two big and dangerous looking dogs appeared and ran towards us. The boys began to scream, ran into the house and shut the door. My sister moved backwards very slowly, but I just stood there and did nothing. One dog disappeared in the woods again, the other one came to me, sat down in front of me and I stroked it.
When I was in Greece my family and I rented a jeep and drove through the desert. We got lost, but fortunately I picked the right direction that brought us back to our destination.
In Norway we took a trip with a boat to see whales. We were standing at the rail, it was ice-cold, very windy and the sky was grey. It drizzled. Suddenly I saw something in the water. “Mum, look at that!” I exclaimed. A huge grey animal came half out of the water, paused there and dived, moving its tail fin gracefully, into the dark water again. That was amazing.
Another time in Norway we made a tour on a glacier and again another time we climbed through a pitch-black and unsecured cave. I always went first.
About two months ago I left Germany again, without my parents. A big journey began.
Monday, October 5, 2009
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Hey! Ok I really like this! Haha - the Smarties part. :)I also really like how you include your family in this.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I would say grammar and spelling is what you need to work on most, but other than that...
1. There is a spelling mistake in paragraph three. (One day)
2. Need commas in certain areas.
I'll let you know when I find more.
Veronika, this is soooo good. i still can't believe you're so good at writing English! I like the overall sense of you being your own person and being independent and all. the ending is really good, maybe make it more clear, like put the parts that talk about your independence at the end of the sections. but other than that it's so good. I'm so proud of you :)
ReplyDeletei really like this!
ReplyDeleteespecially how the thread through the paper is about traveling, your family, and you as a person with courage and all.
just go through your paper and look for grammatical errors cause there are a few.